I've found myself in my absence
This may sound weird to you right now, but you will get it the moment you finish this article.
Finding oneself is the highly difficult but still necessary step, one must take before marking step into this outter world.
You must understand yourself, not to the fullest but in general. You must recognize what makes you, YOU. You must consider what traumas have shaped you over time and thus, realize their significance.
As each tragedy has its own place.
While fresh, the wounds they had caused can make you weak for some time. But the scars in which they would heal and transform, will make you a warrior for life. So never be afraid, because it does nothing but keeps you from becoming your true self. The you, full of scars self. The self which have seen and suffered so much. The self which has actually lived.
These are my favorite lines from this book which I am reading these days. The characters are so imperfect, damaged and faulty in their own ways but still relatable. I have always been fascinated by the fact that no matter how much morality we hold for ourselves, or what standards we keep for us, but when we see a world from the perspective of damaged person in any story, we understand them. Their misbehavours seems justified and their mortality defined. We understand their emptiness as we have seen them suffer, crying while hiding it from the world. We have lived their pain and felt what they had felt.
Finding oneself is the highly difficult but still necessary step, one must take before marking step into this outter world.
You must understand yourself, not to the fullest but in general. You must recognize what makes you, YOU. You must consider what traumas have shaped you over time and thus, realize their significance.
As each tragedy has its own place.
While fresh, the wounds they had caused can make you weak for some time. But the scars in which they would heal and transform, will make you a warrior for life. So never be afraid, because it does nothing but keeps you from becoming your true self. The you, full of scars self. The self which have seen and suffered so much. The self which has actually lived.
"That's why I like to listen to Schubert while I'm driving. As I said, it's because all the performances are imperfect. A dense artistic imperfection stimulates your consciousness, keeps you alert. if I listen to some utterly perfect performance of an utterly perfect piece while I am driving, I might want to close my eyes and die right there and then." - Kafka on the Shore.
These are my favorite lines from this book which I am reading these days. The characters are so imperfect, damaged and faulty in their own ways but still relatable. I have always been fascinated by the fact that no matter how much morality we hold for ourselves, or what standards we keep for us, but when we see a world from the perspective of damaged person in any story, we understand them. Their misbehavours seems justified and their mortality defined. We understand their emptiness as we have seen them suffer, crying while hiding it from the world. We have lived their pain and felt what they had felt.
At times, I wonder what the world would be like, if we could feel each person around us like this. If we could push a button and see through their perspective. Literally be in their shoe and consider their versions. It's weird how our opinions could have changed with such perspective.
Meanwhile, I am also not alien to this damaged lens. I have lived and still see the world through it. Even though, I have never suffered any great trauma as others, but still something always felt missing. The phase when you don't know who you are or what is your worth, is like my childhood best friend, with whom you can fight, and ignore for a while but can never leave. This is our bond and it doesn't scare me even. It still visits me often. But now, I don't go and hide myself under cover. Though I take shelter, to save myself from the pounding of its wailing. But I stand still and face it like a mother who's tolerating her stubborn child protesting for some toy. I look into its eyes, and recognize what it needs this time.
In the past, it used to fight me for consideration, but it comes to me only when it needs to get something new. When it's hungry for a change. When it's bore of old and outgrown them all.
Each time it happens, I take it with me and leave everything behind. Because for the peaceful state of mind, it's the price. I go and talk to it. Consider its demands and come back. Not leaving it behind, but with it, burying deeper inside me this time. And I will keep doing it.Until one day, when I can finally come back with it no longer existing. It will be the day when I will truly find myself and die. Because as long as I am alive, the change is the part of me. Fear is the part of me. And because, only this quest of finding myself has kept me alive.
In the past, it used to fight me for consideration, but it comes to me only when it needs to get something new. When it's hungry for a change. When it's bore of old and outgrown them all.
Each time it happens, I take it with me and leave everything behind. Because for the peaceful state of mind, it's the price. I go and talk to it. Consider its demands and come back. Not leaving it behind, but with it, burying deeper inside me this time. And I will keep doing it.Until one day, when I can finally come back with it no longer existing. It will be the day when I will truly find myself and die. Because as long as I am alive, the change is the part of me. Fear is the part of me. And because, only this quest of finding myself has kept me alive.
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